The Art of Asking

“All things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like, and trust.” – Bob Burg, motivational speaker and author of best-selling book The Go-Giver.  

It’s easy to read this quote and think, “of course they do.” However, referrals are still low for both lenders and realtors. Even when they provide great service, they may not be seeing the results they want. Where is the disconnect and how can lenders turn a great experience into more business?

What Buyers Want

Buyers want to work with someone from their personal network – either someone they know or someone connected to someone they trust. According to the 2025 NAR Profile of Buyers and Sellers, nearly half (49%) of first-time homebuyers selected their realtor from their personal network.

At the same time, 91% of buyers would use their agent again or recommend their agent to others, but only 18% of homebuyers used a realtor from a previous transaction. If so, many buyers intend to reuse their agent, why don’t they?

STRATMOR data reinforces this trend: 90% of borrowers choose their lenders based on their own prior relationship with them or the experience of someone they know and trust. Relationships are everything if you want to secure new or repeat business. This is especially true for first-time homebuyers, they don’t want an outsider. Faced with one of the biggest financial decisions of their lives, they seek someone they feel they know and can rely on.

How to Get the Referral

So, where is the disconnect? Why don’t people give referrals? It could be the lack of a strong relationship, fear of risk or liability, feeling the process is too much effort for little reward or trust, perceived low quality of the person being referred or a lack of clear guidance on how or why to give a referral.

If you want borrowers to talk about you, give them something to talk about. Walt Disney said, “Do what you do so well, that people can’t resist telling others about you.” Was the experience you gave borrowers wow worthy? Even if it’s average, people aren’t likely to talk about it. You have to deliver before you can ask for a referral.

The Art of Asking

So, how should you ask for referrals? First, use your network. Do people in your circle know what you do? Are you offering yourself as a resource to friends, neighbors or family?

For current borrowers, ask. You cannot expect them to give you a referral you haven’t asked for. Make it personal to them. Asking for a like on Facebook or an online review won’t cut it. Once you’ve given a great experience, be genuine and ask them to send friends or family your way next time they need a lender or realtor.

STRATMOR data says even a simple thank you can have a huge impact on getting the referral. “The happiest borrowers in servicing portfolios—those who give the highest Net Promoter Scores and the most referrals—share one simple commonality: They’ve received a “thank you” communication within the past six months.” This doesn’t mean an automated thank you email. You have to make it genuine and personal – a templated message can have the opposite effect on borrowers.

Timing is everything, too. Talk to your borrowers once all the loose ends are tied up. Asking too early can feel forced or rushed, since you have not earned their full trust yet. On the other hand, try not to wait too long either. You still want that great experience to be fresh on their minds.

Ultimately, you have to earn a referral. A wow worthy experience is critical, but once you’ve put in the hard work, make sure to ask. No amount of online reviews or surveys can replace the personal connection you have with borrowers. Build relationships, work hard and the referrals will follow.

Mary Kay Scully is the Director of Customer Education at Enact, where she trains over 35,000 mortgage professionals annually on topics including tax return review, fraud detection, process improvements, and compliance. With more than 30 years of industry experience, she has held multiple leadership roles at Enact (formerly GE/Genworth) and began her career as a Loan Officer. A nationally recognized speaker and educator, Mary Kay holds an MBA from Fairfield University, a Six Sigma Functional Black Belt, and is a certified DiSC Behavioral Profiling Trainer. She’s a two-time Mortgage Professional America Elite Women award winner, and former Chair of the MBA of New Jersey Women’s Committee. The statements in this article are solely her opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of Enact or its management. 

 (Views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect policies of the Mortgage Bankers Association, nor do they connote an MBA endorsement of a specific company, product or service. MBA NewsLink welcomes submissions from member firms. Inquiries can be sent to Editor Michael Tucker or Editorial Manager Anneliese Mahoney.)